On Giving Up

I gave up cancer for Lent.

I am pretty sure I can get some sort of special dispensation, but I decided to just let it go.

I am giving up the worry.

I am giving up the insomnia, the feeling of insurmountably, the burden of it all.

I am giving up the ache in my bones, the cracked nails and skin.

I am giving up the indignity of my body breaking down.

I am giving up the itchy wig, the scarves, the head coverings.

I am giving up feeling defined by it, feeling sorry for myself, feeling sorry and sad and stuck.

I am giving up just managing to get by.

I am giving it up, out to the universe to deal with and struggle with every day instead of me.

I won't give up the treatment. I will still sit in that chair every week while the meds pump through my veins, I will still do as much as I can to battle this disease but I won't be in some sort of holding pattern until treatment stops, until this all melts away. I will give up the weight of it, the heavy load, the unimaginable fear and I will live through it. I will live my life. I am pretty sure it will be easier than giving up chocolate.